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Creating a Sexual Masochist

bdsm dynamic masochist relationship sexual masochism sexuality

Creating a sexual masochist is a process. Some masochists are sexually stimulated by pain, but many are not…initially. There are plenty of masochists out there who enjoy pain, can take a lot of pain, but cannot bridge the gap to find sexual pleasure in the pain. If you find that your partner falls into this category and you want to control their sexuality through pain, there are some things you can do to encourage this transition.

Please note that these suggestions are what I have found to be true in My experience and the experience of others with whom I’ve conferred, but it is by no means exhaustive!


Sexual stimulation is a large part of this process. The goal is for Your submissive to be sexually aroused during impact play, or at the application of pain. If this does not happen naturally for them, then You can train their body and mind to associate pain with sexual pleasure. One of the easiest ways to do this is to apply a small amount of pain to their body, either clamps or impact to begin, but keep it light…just a small pain that is noticeable but easily endured. Then sexually stimulate them either with your hand or a vibrator…whichever you prefer. Once they respond (women get wet, men get hard), then increase the pain marginally.

If you are using nipple clamps…either tighten the clover clamps, or change out the clamps to something a little tighter. There are many types of clamps out there for this purpose, or if You are using clothespins, a simple rubberband on the clothespin will work, just roll it closer to the nipple to tighten the grip. If You are using impact, I have found that it is easiest to have them standing so that I can stand to the side of them, manually stimulating with one hand and paddling/caning with the other. Another way is to have them on their hands and knees. Either way, make certain that You are comfortable, for these sessions need to be long and slow.

How long these sessions last is up to You, however keep in mind that the goal is to create sexual arousal, so keeping Your submissive aroused during the session is a must. The moment their pain overcomes their sexual arousal, you have gone too far.

Once the initial phase of introducing pain and sexual stimulation is achieved, then the next sessions should focus on less sexual stimulation and more pain. Just give enough stimulation to keep them aroused while applying more pain. You may find that arousal dims with increased pain, or You may find that certain types of pain are not as effective as others. In My experience, certain areas of the body take more time to train than others. Depending on the sensitivity of Your submissive, their headspace, their personal fantasies, etc., You may find one area which when pain is applied, no arousal can occur. Focus first on those areas where You are able to achieve their arousal, and if You cannot find one that works, look for another. This process is lengthy and may take months or even years to achieve. Usually, some level of arousal can be created in a matter of weeks.

The other part of this type of training is to stick with what works. If You find that a particular implement is effective, then stick with that implement. Trying to alter the toys, bring variety to Your play, may have a negative effect on Your submissive’s ability to achieve arousal through pain, especially in the beginning. And if You are still having difficulty after several sessions, You may want to alter the type of pain. For example, if you are using a stinging type pain, try something thuddier, or vice versa.

Once You find that they have achieved the ability to be aroused, gradually increasing pain and decreasing manual stimulation is important. Their brains are now able to connect pain with sexual pleasure. You may have to stimulate every so often, but it will not be as much as before. As each session proceeds down this path, You are altering the core of their sexuality. This will enable them to experience their sexuality with more depth and breadth than before.

Talk to Your submissive after each session, especially the first couple, and see what is working and what isn’t. Find out what their headspace is like. Don’t assume that because one session didn’t go exactly as you wanted that the technique is faulty…sometimes, it’s the timing.

I prefer to manually stimulate My submissive, however You can have them masturbate for You while you apply pain. This may be effective in the beginning, however, in the end, when You are attempting to decrease the stimulation and increase the pain, this may be a hindrance, so consider all of Your options before proceeding down this road.


In understanding and connecting pain to their pleasure centers, You will effectively be changing those erogenous zones. It may be something as simple as slapping the inside of their thigh as You stimulate them…as time goes on, any slap to the inside of the thigh will arouse them and may eventually cause orgasm on command. While I have heard of this phenomenon…training orgasms on command, I have not personally experienced it. I have used the above techniques to train My submissive to orgasm while I’m caning his penis. So I know it works. That particular skill took about six months to achieve, though I am still manually stimulating him throughout the caning in order to achieve the desired level of arousal. It is My goal to continue this process so that he achieves orgasm solely from caning. It may take years, but I’m willing to put in the effort! Keep in mind, however, start small. This was not our first effort. In the beginning, My only goal was to get him hard during impact play.

This theory can be used with any type of sexual stimulation, not just masochism. If you want to anally train, this is a good way to do it. This is also an excellent technique for the introduction to new types of play, especially those types that may mentally challenging for your submissive. Most importantly, understand that while You are undertaking to change the sexuality of Your submissive, they must be willing to make the change for You. Their unwillingness will work against You.

Also, know that these changes will remain in effect so long as You are reinforcing them. If You don’t do this type of play for several months, then You will need to retrain once You start up again. It may be that after years and years, the change will become permanent, however I have not attempted it long enough to see if it will work that way.


  1. Choose an area of the body that is easy to access and which You desire to train
  2. Sexually stimulate Your submissive prior to application of pain
  3. Alternate pain application with arousal during each session, decreasing arousal time and increase pain as the sessions progress
  4. Be patient and stick with what works
  5. Communicate

 Copyright 2013 Mistress Nerissa

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